No More
by Ballycastle-Bat
Summary: After sixteen year old Barry has a bad reaction to the newest cocktail of drugs the "shrinks" have forced him onto, Iris confronts her father. CW: graphic depections of withdrawals, vomiting, headaches, cold sweats.


AN: If anyone would like to translate or podfic this, please go right ahead! Would love a link to it of you do (:

One of my favourite things to write is young Barry and Iris in platonic settings :3

Disclamer/Background information: I was thinking about Iris's comments in S1E5 about all of the "Shrinks" who analysed Barry and wondered when/why they stopped. Then I thought about my own expierences with psychiatric care and medications. So this happened, because I'm agnsty and 'he could stop going at 18' excuse wasn't good enough for my dramatic ass. lol.

A fair amount of what Barry expierences in this oneoneshot are based on expierences I've personally had in my twelve years of being on (and off) of psychiatric medications. It may not align perfectly with everyone's expierences for too many reasons to cover in this brief intro, but they're still valid and possible.

BA IW BA IW BA IW BA IW

The day had only just started but Iris could tell something was off with Barry.

Barry had A.P. Biology first period which wasn't far from Iris's second period English class. She made her way to the his class the moment her first period ended. When she laid eyes on the sixteen year old Barry she felt something unpleasant in the pit of her stomach. He looked like shit, his eyes were slightly unfocused, his shirt was wrinkled and he looked a little confused.

"Barry," she called, moving so she was in front of him.

"Hi Iris," He looked at her. Iris frowned deeply in response.

"Barry, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine." He smiled at her but Iris wasn't fooled. It didn't reach his eyes; t his isn't what Barry looked like when he smiled at her.

"I don't think you are. How about I take you home?" Iris could see clearly now that Barry's hands were trembling, almost alarmingly so. "Come on, I'm sure my dad will understand if we just leave," she tried to convince him.

"What class do I have next? I can't remember."

Iris inhaled deeply "You have A.P. Chemistry," Her lips formed a hard line. He's so stubborn. She complained inwardly.

"Oh right," he nodded before heading off to his next class. Iris didn't stop him, it was a moot point to try and change Barry's mind now.

When they met up for lunch Iris couldn't keep her eyes off of him. After a few seconds he seemed to notice. He looked up at her across the lunch table. She frowned slightly, leaning on her hand.

"Is something the matter? You seem upset." he answered her frown with one of his own.

Iris almost wanted to laugh, leave it to Barry to worry about someone else when he was the one in crisis. She thought to herself.

"How did your appointment go last week?" she asked him, changing the subject. It had now gotten to a point where she couldn't keep looking at him. "Dad said you went to see someone new?" her statement ended in a question, seeking his confirmation.

"Yeah. I went to see a guy called Dr. Lynwood. I don't think I like him though," Barry admitted, the disposable fork in his hand disturbing the pile of peas on his plate, but he still hasn't eaten anything. Iris wondered if it was the medication repressing his appetite or if he just felt too sick to eat, she didn't ask though. She didn't want to distract him from the current conversation.

"Why not?" Iris hoped he would elaborate.

"I don't know. He's very intense and talks over me. I'm used to that kind of but… he's kind of a jerk about it." Barry began, forcing himself to drink from the bottle of water in front of him. "He put me on three new medications. Three." He emphasised the number. "I've never really been on more than one at a time." He stared down at the table for a moment, trying to re-gather his thoughts.

Barry had never spoken this openly with Iris about his treatment before, and Iris could understand why. She let her hand find his wrist, patting gently. Something deep within her had always believed in Barry. She really didn't think he needed any of these medications, but she wasn't a doctor, and Barry was convinced that a man made of lightning murdered his mother. The teens weren't in a good spot and all odds seemed to be against them.

"That's terrible Barry," she said, her voice was gentle and Barry placed his hand over hers.

"I'll be okay," he replied with a smile. He never liked her worrying about him, but lying never helped. She knew him too well.

There he goes again Thought Iris. The smile and nod routine.

"I really think I should take you home, it would make me feel better." she tried, sometimes, okay, more times than she would it admit, 'for me?' could get her her way. She really hoped he would bite this time and agree to go home but those hopes were crushed as soon as the lunch bell rang.

"I'll see you after school Iris. I think Joe said he had the double shift. Maybe we can have a movie night? He can't be mad that we're up late if he doesn't know, " he suggested with a slight smirk, but it didn't bring up his whole face. "See you." and before Iris could say anything else he disappeared into the sea of East Central City High school students.

BA IW BA IW BA IW

Later that evening, Iris was sat at the dining room table. She was trying to power through her Science homework but her mind kept drifting to Barry, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Despite his insistence on a movie night at lunch, Barry had disappeared right up to his room the moment they got home. That was at three-thirty. It was now ten in the evening and Joe wouldn't be home until at least midnight and that was if there were no emergencies.

Her head snapped up when she heard the sound of Barry retching upstairs. She frowned and set down her pencil, standing.

"Iris?" Barry called through the house. "Iris!" She pushed herself forward into a run, darting up the stairs into Barry's room. She found him, hunched over the small plastic wastebasket next to his bed. He gagged once more before pulling himself away from it.

"What's wrong?" she asked. He looked up at her and her eyes fell on his upper lip which was stained a dark red. "What happened to your face?" she asked.

"I…" he stumbled over his words. "I got really light headed- hit the night stand earlier…" he stopped talking to wince and hold his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. Iris froze for just a moment. Seeing Barry before her, on the floor, twisted up around himself was startling and she didn't know what to do. She couldn't help him. "Call Joe," Barry spoke when he could find his words. "Please just call Joe," Iris reached out and put a hand on his back. Iris scrambled for her cellphone and tried her father's cell with the other. When he didn't answer she dialed the Precinct.

"Central City police Department this is Officer Orton." A man's voice answered. Iris dropped to her knees beside Barry.

"Mr. Orton, this is Iris West. Is my father at the station?" she asked before turning to Barry. "Shh, Barr it's going to be okay," she said softly as her friend began to sob quietly on the floor.

"No he's not. He's following up on a case. Is there something I can help you with?" He asked.

"Please have him call me when he gets in, Barry is really sick." said Iris. Hanging up the phone when the officer agreed. "It's going to be okay, Barr. I got you," she murmured. She pulled him up into her lap. He was surprisingly damp to the touch even through his shirt; his body coated in a cold sweat. "Try to focus on me."

She reached on to the nightstand and grabbed a few tissues to wipe off his face a bit more, he groaned softly and threw his head back slightly.

"I feel like I'm going to die," he whispered. "My head is burning." Iris stroked his hair gently as she struggled to keep herself composed enough to take care of him. "I feel so bad." he mumbled. "I'm sorry. I'm. I'm sorry," he babbled almost incoherently. Iris rubbed his arm gently. "I want to die," Barry whispered as he sobbed in her lap.

What do I do. She thought to herself desperately, but she didn't have any answers.

Barry flinched visibly, the tips of his fingers pressing slightly into her forearm.

"I got you Barry, I got you. It's okay. It will pass." She murmured. Iris leaned down and pressed her lips to his hair. "I'm sorry Barr. It's going to be okay. It will stop soon." She felt completely useless, powerless, and that terrified her. Joe had warned her that his medications could make him sick or have bad side effects, which usually meant they weren't the right ones. She had seen some of these side effects before. She'd seen him come down from a day's meds badly before. This was different though.

This was so much worse.

She never expected this. She never could have prepared for this. The sight of her best friend, screaming in pain, shaking. The way he talked about dying was tearing her up inside. Sweet, happy, light-of-the-house, Barry was in so much pain that he told her he wanted to die.

After what felt like longest hour of her life, and she could imagine felt even longer for Barry; he slowly came back down as the pain subsided but it was still quite a while until he was able to get up and move.Iris watched as he sat up and put his arms around her in a tight embrace, both of them still kneeling on the hardwood floors.

"Thank you for staying with me. I'm sorry you had to see that." he whispered, his throat dry and Horace from the ordeal and he was still crying quite a bit. She returned the embrace and held Barry tightly against her. Her hands trembled as her face dug into his shoulder. She just held him for a long time.

"Go to sleep okay?" she told him after a few minutes. She pressed her lips against his jaw, she was tired and didn't care that she'd missed his cheek by a few inches. A few more kisses were lost in his hair. She was tired from the adrenaline rush and busy struggling to keep her voice from breaking. "You don't need to apologise, get some rest." She urged.

He stood and Iris helped him to his bed. When he was in bed, she stayed with him, seated at his bedside. Her hand gently combing through his hair as she watched him relax and drift off into a heavy sleep.

After a time she managed to go downstairs and seat herself at the dining room table, this was when she finally allowed herself to break down, sobbing into her sleeve. She couldn't do this anymore, she couldn't watch her best friend continue to suffer like this. Barry deserved better and it would end up destroying her too.

It wasn't long before Joe came through the front door.

"Iris?" he frowned when he saw her. "What's the matter baby girl?" he asked.

"Didn't officer Orton talk to you?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"No, he was gone when I got back to the station," his eyebrows pulled together.

Iris tried to calm herself, but failed miserably and erupted into another wave of small sobbs.

"We... Dad. We tried to call you. He said he would tell you I called." She managed and looked up at him, her vision obscured from crying. "Barry got sick tonight. It was bad. He was miserable all day and then he come home… Dad. You have to stop bringing him to these doctors." She insisted.

"Barry needs some help right now, sweetie. We'll find the right thing. it's going to take time-"

Iris cut him off.

"No." She said firmly. "It has done nothing but get worse since you started this mess. You didn't see him tonight." Her voice was raising.

"Iris. I am his guardian. I have to do what's best for him, and right now finding a doctor who can help him is my job." He placed a hand on her shoulder but she jerked it off.

"If you're so sure that this is the right thing for him, stuffing him full of medication that-- honestly I don't even think he needs-- If you're so sure he needs this. Then tomorrow night you can take care of him. He told me he wanted to die. Our Barry just looked me in the face and said he wanted to die because he was in so much pain." She snapped.

"We'll find what helps it will just take tim-" he tried but she cut him off.

"Tomorrow, You can hold him while he shakes and sobs in your arms. You can listen to him tell you that he wants to die. Because I refuse to be a part of this anymore." She wiped her eyes frantically and again tried to compose herself, she was managing a little better than the first time. Joe stayed silent, letting her talk."You're the adult, you need to tell me what's worse; Barry thinking that there's a lightning man out there somewhere but living his life, or Barry being in so much pain he wants to die, with less nightmares." Iris stood from her seat and made her way to the kitchen, grabbing a bowl and a washcloth. She soaked the cloth in cold water before setting it in the bowl so it didn't drip on the floor. "You have time to think about it while I go take care of your kid," she told him, disappearing up the stairs. Normally Joe would have chastised her over her tone, but he let her go upstairs.

She pushed Barry's door open, assuming he was asleep and set the bowl on his night stand.

"You're awake?" she asked, frowning when she saw that he was watching her.

"You don't need to fight with your dad over me." said Barry. "I'll be fine," he smiled up at her but she didn't respond to that, she sat herself on the bed behind him and placed a pillow in her lap.

"Have I ever told you that You're the worst liar I have ever met?" she patted the pillow.

Barry angled his body slightly to lay his head on the pillow in her lap. "You might have mentioned it once or twice," he smiled at that but closed his eyes. Iris frowned. taking the rag from the bowl on the nightstand, she gently began to press it to his forehead. Iris hoped it was providing some relief.

A few minutes passed and Joe appeared in the doorway.

"How are you feelin' Bar?" he asked, leaning against the door frame.

Iris squeezed Barry's shoulder, in an attempt to encourage him.

"Like trash." He admitted. "Thank god Iris was here. That was kind of terrifying." He added with Iris's small act of encouragement.

Iris watched Joe take in the sight of his kids in their current state. After a second or two he came to sit on the bed by Iris. He placed a hand on her shoulder and the other brushed Barry's hair back.

"I'm going to call Dr. Lynwood tomorrow and cancel your next appointment. I'll also talk to the school and keep you both home tomorrow." He told Barry. "No more Psychologists or Psychiatrists. I promise," he pressed a kiss to Iris's forehead.

"Thanks Joe," said Barry, his voice quiet as he started to fall back asleep.

"Do you want me to take over? You should get some sleep too."

"I've got him," she smiled sadly. "Goodnight Dad."

They would spend the next few weeks easing Barry off of all of his medications.


End file.
